Here’s a complete, natural English translation that preserves both the meaning and the professional tone of the original:
Three Common Parenting Mistakes That Make a Child’s Stubbornness Worse
When it comes to managing stubborn behavior in children, there are three very common parenting mistakes that, from the perspective of behavioral and developmental psychology, unintentionally reinforce stubbornness.
These mistakes usually stem from parents’ good intentions, but they often produce the opposite result.
1. Getting Into a Power Struggle with Your Child
One of the most common parenting mistakes is engaging in a battle of wills with your child.
A common example:
Child: “I don’t want to go to bed!”
Parent: “You have to go to bed, no matter what!”
In this situation, bedtime is no longer the child’s main concern. Instead, the goal becomes winning the conflict.
From a developmental psychology perspective, the child is trying to protect their sense of autonomy. The more direct pressure the parent applies, the stronger the child’s resistance becomes.
A Better Approach
- Reduce direct confrontation.
- Offer limited choices.
For example:
“Would you like to hear a bedtime story first and then go to sleep, or brush your teeth first and then read the story?”
In this approach, the parent remains in control of the overall framework, while the child feels involved in the decision-making process.
2. Using Unrealistic Threats or Punishments
Sometimes parents try to stop unwanted behavior by making harsh threats, such as:
- “You’ll never watch cartoons again.”
- “I’ll take you to the police.”
- “If you do that again, I won’t love you anymore.”
This approach has several serious drawbacks:
- Children quickly realize the threat isn’t realistic.
- The parent’s credibility is weakened.
- The emotional bond between parent and child can be damaged.
Educational psychology emphasizes that consequences should be realistic, enforceable, and appropriate to the behavior.
A better example would be:
“If you throw your toys, they’ll need to be put away for a while.”
This consequence is:
- Clear
- Enforceable
- Directly connected to the behavior
3. Giving Too Much Attention to Negative Behavior
Children are highly attention-driven. Even negative attention can serve as a form of reward.
When a child:
- Screams
- Acts stubbornly
- Has a dramatic crying episode
And the parent:
- Engages in a lengthy argument
- Repeats explanations over and over
- Gives the child their full attention
A learning cycle is unintentionally created:
Stubborn behavior → Parent’s attention → Reinforcement of the behavior
Meanwhile, appropriate and cooperative behavior is often overlooked.
A More Effective Strategy
- Mild negative behavior → Minimal attention
- Positive behavior → Immediate attention and praise
For example:
“I noticed you put your shoes on by yourself. Great job!”
A Golden Principle of Parenting
Children learn more from what they experience than from what they are told.
In other words:
- Consistent boundaries
- Predictable consequences
- A secure emotional relationship
gradually transform stubbornness into cooperation and self-regulation.
Lamat Ravān (Psychology Hub)
This channel shares articles and educational content related to psychology and psychiatry.
Channel ID:
https://ble.ir/jamehvasalamtravan
Dr. Hamid Yousefi
Psychiatrist
Website:
https://www.drhamidyousefi.com
بدون دیدگاه